Friday

Why?

Today i found out something bad, which really hurt my heart :(
Dont know the real reason for it, but i think its because im too lousy :(
Cant blame me rite, i've quit it for years, not like some people, TAKE my book without appreciating it,and kinda backstab me :O
No point being too good to people, they don even appreciate your kindness :(
I find it hard to be someone good, nice, friendly :(
I seldom talk, cos i think they are not good people to get along with
I dont like someone, cos i know that they are evil, talking bad behind my back :(
Why lar... i must be so kind to her.. She's using me! Order me to bring the thing she want, and i fuckingly jump out of bed and rush downstairs to find the thing for her..
Why am i so kind?
Does she ever apprieciate my kindness?
Fuck lar.. i think she's such a pretender...
I BUY those things with MONEY and she use it/ i mean take it for free and treat me evily
Damn girl.. Not that she's so damn good to me.. She pretend dunno me when she see me pun.. WTF WTF WTF
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I dont really know why you're not USING me this time, issit because im so damn teruk?
I feel so hurt you know.. I dont feel like joing you anymore.. It's like when you need me, then you use me, vice versa
Maybe im really that teruk, but PLEASE let me tell you that i really practiced hard at home, im afraid that i cant catch up during practice time, you know the pressure im suffering from?
I thought you are really RESTING and therefore no practice going to be carried out
WHY must i be there to see the truth?
What are you implying to me GOD
Want me to suffer terribly... All the pain, my heart.. smashed into pieces....
I hate you alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
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Seriously i feel it hard to get along with him too...
He likes to scold me, not scold but tegur me
Aiya not tat my attitude so cibai ok
I just manja abit then he come bomb me
I know you're very realistic
But sometimes no manja abit where got sayang feeling
If you ever understand
I really tired of everything,everyone in this world seem to be appart from me
I want peace, i want to think over
I really cannot go with a person who doesnt take my pampering attitude
Where's my Mr. Right?
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Seriously. its not that i have a bad attitude ok..
I tRY my very best not to be involved so much in nonsence/ being a kepoma
I try to be very good to those so called friends
I try to practice hard so that i wouldnt panic and cause heart failure= die earlier
I try to make you sayang me more
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I get ignored
I get cruelty, hated, used ..etcetc
I get left out, I get ignored
I get scolded
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I never like to go for orchestra practice,
I dont like to go for tuition
I dont like to be alone, left out at tuition
I dont like to be scolded by you
I dont like to panic whenever i go for practice
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I feel so miserable
Im tired
I envy those with loving, sweet, beautiful life
I would like to have freedom to go out with my friends, to study what i want, to go explore
Idont like to see people's face, people's orders
I feel it is very unfair
He's out with me, and yet he can sms with his firend like they are so very important
He grumbles when i make him late in meeting his friends
why he never feel happy to stay with me abit longer
When he's with them he never sms ms that often
Why am i placed 2nd, why are they so important
Why you like to hide so many things from me
I know they are many things i dont know
Im tiredi feel like deleting everything from my brain
I just want you to care for me more
I need you to dpend more time with me
If you understand

3 comments:

Crazyfool - Make You Crazy And FooL said...

dont always think that i dint put u first. some time of cos need do other things one ma.. u should check what is the proper relationship is how de.. then we will less quarrel such small stuff..

Macella said...

hey, there are better things out here..
you are a very lucky gal already.
have u seen little kids in the orphanage? they have nobody to love, nobody to care, no everything that you have now.
i know, life is miserable sometimes.
it's usual to meet some jerks in your life, i met them too.
but when u grow older, u will learn from all those, and then u will find those good frens in future.
do u realised that u actually complain more than u compliment? u hate this and hate tat. but try think about ur mom, what she does for u and what she tells u.
all she wants is not for herself, but for u. she gave the best to us, and when it comes to herself, she will just get the cheapest, she can find. i'm telling u things that cannot be seen.
u r still so young, and all the stuff u see are so superficial. there are so much more valuable things in this world that nothing can replace it, and that is FAMILY. no matter how much i hate being in control, i still love them very much, and if something bad happens to either of them, my heart will be ripped from my body, just like when granpa left us.
u still have a long way to go. look ahead of u, see ur future. today will be yesterday, tomoro will be ur today, so look further.
i know, u dun like to study, but u still have to go on, bcoz it's our future we r planning.
gal, u need to realise, the world doesn't spin around u, but u need to spin with the world. meaning, nothing has to be according to wad u like, but u have to go according to what the world is.
i m not trying to hasut u, but there are still so many things u have not seen, so many problems u have not encounter. all those little things u see now, are just a very small part of life. n u have such a long way ahead of u.
of coz it's fun to have fun. but all those tuitions, practices are also part of a student's life. u r not only a student, but also ur mom's daughter. u have duties to take care of her when she is old. think how sad would she be, when u got terrible result or when u cant enter uni or even when u cant live a prosperous life.
work hard now, and in the future, u will have good life. i know, u will have good life, becoz it's ur destiny but u need to work for that to happen.
my dear sis, think about it. what do u want for ur mom n for urself. u wan ur mom to continue living like now? or u wan to give the very best to her, like what she gave u all this while.
have faith, my dear. u can lead a good life. stop complaining god being so unfair to u, becoz u already have reasonably good life, compared to those others.

Anonymous said...

when u think someone is blackstab you,do you ever think that do you ever blackstab of her o him? Sometime when others say bad thing about us,u have to think back isit that is true? or just that person create for only blackstab u...if is true,then just correct it,if is not,dont bother about it.. hmmm...this is the thing we have to learn of...we re not perfect so dont keep blamming anyone...without trying your best to do well... life is not fair...